Sunday, February 17, 2008

Day Sixty-Six...Another Year Older

So, today was my birthday. I feel no different than I did yesterday...or last week...or last month...or last year. I don't feel any wiser...I don't feel any more experienced in life. I do, however, feel more loved, more cherished, more appreciated, more in touch with my friends and family. I feel much more settled. I feel like I finally belong where I am. I'm teaching...I'm loving my family...I'm loving my friends (who, incidentally, have become my chosen family) and I couldn't be any more satisfied. I do wish I was married. I do wish I had children of my own, but I am content for right now, knowing that God will bring those things into my life at the perfect time.

So, God met at church today. If you read my previous post about 5th period, you know that I've been struggling with what to do with them...struggling to get them to behave...getting them to do, really, anything. Well, it seems that when I am at my wits end, God meets me there. When I end, He begins. When I am empty of ideas, that's where He is able to step in and take up where I cannot. My Pastor has consistently reminded me (and the rest of the congregation) that I am in full time ministry. I work at Renton High Community Church. That is where I pastor. That is where my ministry is located. My students are my congregation. My staff are my congregation. They are my sheep. I have been placed there to show God to them. Well, again, Pastor Dan reminded me that I am in full time ministry and that my school is my congregation. Suddenly, God told me that my job in 5th period is to not lose my temper...not let them push my buttons, but to turn each resistance into an opportunity. So, I asked, "an opportunity for what, Lord?" He told me, "an opportunity for love and acceptance. Let them know you love them. Make them understand you're not going anywhere. Be their stability. Be their constant. Be their safe place." WOW. My entire attitude and outlook on those students melted into one of compassion, love and grace. Instead of dreading 5th period, I am actually looking forward to going back and engaging them. It will be a challenge and I will fail, but that's what God's grace and mercy are for. By leaning onto and into Him, I will have the strength to be that pillar for my kids. Thank you, Lord, for speaking to me.

God also met me for some emotional and spiritual dryness I've been experiencing lately. I've felt a bit disconnected from people lately. And, I know it's me...nothing anyone's done to "drive me away", but I've felt a little disconnected. I've been feeling down, too, with Valentine's Day and all of the hullabaloo about being in love and having a companion to come home to. I spent Valentines Day with my brother, eating Chinese take-out and watching a movie. Now, I absolutely LOVE my brother and LOVE hanging out with him. But the fact that we were with each other instead of a sweetheart...that was kinda depressing for both of us. At least we had each other, but really...it kinda stank...for both of us. It would really be nice to have a sweetheart. We're lonely. We're getting older. And, on Sunday, I told God so. I was really upset about it all. It sucked having another birthday without someone special in my life. It sucked not having a sweetheart to buy you flowers or have a necklace to drape around your neck. It sucked to go through Valentine's Day as a single person...when nearly ALL my students had at least candy from their friends. ARGH! Well, like I said, I told God about it. And, being God, He was compassionate toward me. I know He loves me. And, He proved it to me. Pastor Dan invited everyone who had a need...spiritual, physical, emotional...to come up for ministry from the Body. I went forward and a woman named Gwen came and prayed for me. I only told her my name...nothing else. And...WOW...the prayer she prayed...straight from God. He, through Gwen, told me that the path He has me on is for a reason. He's got a plan for me that will bring His name so much more glory than could ever be imagined. He told me that the road I have been on has not been for me, but for others. My life would be a testimony to His faithfulness...His grace...His mercy...His provision...His protection...and His love. I've never had so much revealed to me. I've always thought that my life may be used to help others, but to have someone else prophesy that over me...WOW. Quite interesting. It gave me a LOT to think about and a lot of hope.

So, now, I can honestly say that I am content with where I am and who I have become. Yes, there are things I would like to change in my life. But, if I were to change those things, I would change God's purpose in my life and would miss the joy of ministering to others.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Day Sixty-Five...Feeling Much Better!

So, today was the last day of school before mid-winter break! I'm so happy! These last 2 weeks have been VERY stressful. It's been difficult for me to take over a class of under-achievers, not knowing where they are as far as their skill leve is concerned, and from a teacher that left me not a lot of structure. It would be very different if I came in at the beginning of the year. I could have established my classroom the way I wanted it from the beginning...instead of taking over for the former teacher. Most of the time, I get "But we never did it THAT way...we did it THIS way." ARGH! But, I think that taking this week-long break to do some creative collaborating and making my lesson plans, establishing a behavior contract and setting consequences for breaking that contract, I think things can only get better.

Wednesday, after 5th period, I cried because I was at my wits end. My kids were AWFUL! Specifically 5th period was awful. I spent my entire planning period and lunch hour (ok, so it's not a real hour...it's 30 minutes...but, I digress!) creating a Jeopardy-styled game for the kids because I knew they couldn't sit and read for a full 90 minutes. So, I took questions from the book they are going to read and made it so they had to find the answer in the book. That way, they ALL didn't have to read ALL the book and it gave them some competitive motivation. The winner got a bag of chocolate to share amongst their teammates. So, I had 3 students out of 27 who were participating. The rest of them were just talking amongst themselves, not paying attention and very much disrespecting me and my rules. So, I was so fed up with feeling like I was talking to the wall that I told them they had a choice either they could read the chapters in the book and write their 2 paragraph response to each chapter (for a total of 8 paragraphs) or they could read the chapter book and write a 6 paragraph response...by the end of the period...but that I was going to have it silent for the remainder of the period. So, I went and sat at my desk and tried not to show them how upset I was. Finally, class was over and they left (fortunately, it was the last period for the day) and I just broke down. I cried because I thought...Oh-My-Goodness...I have the rest of the year...nearly 4 more months with these kids. How am I going to survive? How am I going to get them to learn ANYTHING when they won't SHUT UP AND DO THEIR WORK? My department chair came in and I unloaded on her. She gave me the name and email of the new teacher mentor for the school and suggested I chat with her about strategies that I could use to make the rest of the year better. So, I actually met with her today after school. It was a bittersweet meeting. First, because I've taught in a full time position before, I don't get to participate formally in the mentorship program (that's the bitter part...I shot myself in the foot by working in Idaho for the year I did...nice!). Second, I was welcome to come to the meetings and 'debrief' if I would like (the sweet part...I can come and meet with the other 3 new teachers and talk about positive and negative things that are happening in the classroom).

So, overall, it was a good meeting. I got 2 strategies that I'm going to use. First, I'm going to use Warm-Up Notebooks. It's a task that all students do at the beginning of the period to gain control of the class and will direct the class time. Then, for behavior, I'm going to establish a behavior/expectation contract between me and my students. That will lay the groundwork for discipline issues. If each student signs the contract, they are then bound by their signature and word that they will abide by the agreement. If they don't, they have chosen the consequences, which also will be outlined in the contract.

So, I think it's going to get better from here...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Day Sixty-Four...I'm Sick

I've been sick for the last week. Monday evening, I had a bit of a scratchy throat, but I took some airborne and zicam. I felt better Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday, I started feeling a little worse. So, I went to the doctor. He told me I just had a cold and to drink some warm tea and lemon. He did give me an inhaler for my breathing, but basically patted me on the head and sent me on my way. Well, I got home and told Moob about it. She said, "I hope you didn't get the guy who has one who has one of his eyes looking sideways. He's the one that misdiagnosed my severely inflamed gall bladder as just pooh." Uh...yeah, that was him!

So, Friday I felt horrible! I had a runny nose, itchy throat, cough, fever, watery eyes. Oh, yeah, did I mention the fact I was wheezing? And, my joints ached and I was SO sore! So, I came home and pretty much went right to bed. I slept from 7:30 on Friday night to 12:30 on Saturday afternoon. Mom called to check up on me and woke me up. She said I should go to the doctor and get a 2nd opinion. So, I did. This doctor, whom I've had before, said I had an infection in my lungs. He gave me a nebulizer treatment with albuterol, then prescribed steroids for the inflamation and infection. So, I took the meds and immediately felt better. Well, at least the body aches were gone and the fever was down. I was able to get up on Sunday at about 10 and work all day on my lesson plans for this coming week.

Fast forward to this morning at 5:00. I woke up and the body aches were back. I should have listened to my body yesterday and taken a nap. I didn't make it in to work today. Fortunately, I have sick days I can use. After this time of year, I'll be fine and won't need many of them.

So, I'm working more on my lesson plans for next week and the following weeks. It's very fun getting all of this together. I have to present some of my lessons to the Articulation Coordinator at Seattle Central Community College in order to become an Approved Educator for the SCCC/High School Credit Program. That is where students who take my classes, do some extra Deaf Community and Interaction activities, and earn a B or better, can get college credit and not have to take the prerequisites when they get to college. So, that's why I have to get my lessons together. I have an appointment with the coordinator on February 21...that's during my mid-winter break.

Ok...I'm taking a break from the computer for a while. I've sprouted roots into the couch.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

And Then There's This!

If Only...

...All restaurants were like this!